"I Am Never Good Enough"

How to Live a Fulfilled and Meaningful Life as a Neurotic Person

I am pretty neurotic. Very sensitive to negative emotions in myself and others.

Sometimes I hate myself,

Often I feel inadequate,

Rarely am I content with myself,

And almost never am I truly satisfied with who I am.

When someone close to me suffers, I suffer too.

My mood can change easily.

And emotional or physical pain significantly impact my life.

My mind effortlessly generates lists of my inadequacies, telling me I'm not intelligent enough, strong enough, masculine enough, or attractive enough.

Where does this voice come from?

When did I become so hard on myself?

Who am I comparing myself to?

Is there a better way?

I could blame my father—a path I tried for nearly 40 years.

He is neurotic too and I always suffered as a child when he took me every 14 days on Sundays.

He didn’t talk a lot, never hugged me, never told me he loved me.

I felt my presence was annoying him and every cent he had to spend on me seemed to cause him discomfort.

I felt his suffering, sitting next to him in his white BMW, mostly silent, awkward.

And I felt relief when he returned me home in the evening.

I thought I was the reason for his suffering.

It took me years to recognize how much we had in common—how his suffering stemmed from his own feelings of inadequacy.

His inner voice.

And I didn't realize how universal this feeling is.

My ex-wife, when she is not busy cursing me, tells me I should learn to love myself.

And this always confuses me wildly, because she also wants me to change.

So, should I accept myself fully, just as I am or should I change and improve?

Are these the only options?

1. Accept and love my current self exactly as I am: Take "Self-Love" courses, read "Self-Esteem" books, and meditate OR

2. Create a future vision: Judge and criticize my current self, take "Self-Development" courses, read "How to Change" books, and work relentlessly.

Let's examine option 1—loving myself fully as I am.

What would that look like?

I don't particularly enjoy work. I prefer watching TV or YouTube.

There were periods when I watched TV constantly—not 8 hours, not 12, but 16 hours daily.

I'd stay up late because it was enjoyable.

I ate chips and sweets instead of proper meals because it was convenient, while dishes piled up until none remained.

That was my starting point.

Should I have simply accepted that tendency to relax and passively consume?

I wasn't content with that lifestyle. I felt it wasn't enough.

Should I have tried to "love myself just as I am," repeating affirmations about my perfection while continuing to sit in the stinky mess I called my apartment?

In retrospect, I agree with my assessment—I wasn't enough then. I'm grateful that I changed.

So merely accepting myself regardless of circumstances doesn't work for me, and I believe it doesn't work for anyone.

The blanket statement "just learn to love yourself as you are" is superficial and often inappropriate.

That's one extreme—trying to unconditionally accept ourselves— Bullshit! Not working!

Let's consider the other extreme—option 2—maximum self-improvement.

David Goggins comes to mind, and listening to him makes me realize my inner critic is loving and caring in comparison.

My inner voice is harsh, condescending, and judgmental. It seems to dislike me and always finds something to criticize. It creates a constricting, burning sensation in my chest, squeezing my throat, stomach, or heart.

This voice insists I'm inadequate and it is really good at finding evidence for it.

My mind helps this aggressive lawyer in listing past failures, mistakes and also likes to present a lineup of successful people to show the difference to my lacking performance.

My mind loves Jordan Peterson, Carl Jung, Alan Watts, Yuval Noah Harari.

It shows me their success, intellect, creativity, industriousness, and orderliness.

And always asks: "Why can't you be more like them?"

Occasionally this voice quiets briefly—when I graduated from physiotherapy, medical school, finished residency, or became department head.

But within minutes, hours, or days, the voice is back.

This voice pushes me to achievement, to accomplishment.

But this voice is also the one, claiming that I am not enough. Causing me suffering.

It prevents me from enjoying the present and feeling self-love.

Is there another option? Can I love myself while still improving?

The Guide to Self-love and Self-improvement

1. Visualize

Start by visualizing your current Self as a sphere inside a much larger sphere (your ideal, future Self)—you as a smaller version of your perfect, ideal future self.

Envision looking from your current, smaller Self toward your bigger, future, ideal Self, which is surrounding you.

Now shift perspective: Imagine looking from this "higher" Self back at your smaller, current Self. Notice how both selves have the same spherical form and how your current Self can become this "higher version" simply by growing.

This visualization embodies the "growth mindset" (the possibility of change) and serves as a reference point whenever needed.

2. Understand Your Current Self

Assess your present state and document it—What's your starting point?

Our current Self is identical to our "Ego"—inherently ego-centric, narcissistic, and self-focused.

Are you a perfectionist overachiever, constantly striving for excellence and working daily toward your vision?

Are you a relaxed free spirit, rarely exerting effort, disorganized, undisciplined, struggling to rise early, binge-watching Netflix until late?

Neurotic and ambitious yet open-minded, with strong consumption tendencies?

How impulsive are you?

Strive to thoroughly understand your current Self without judgment.

Take the free Big 5 Personality Test here to get a description of your current personality -

https://www.drsimlev.com/personality-test

How high do you score in Conscientiousness (Industriousness and Orderliness)? In Neuroticism?

How open-minded are you?

Do you crave stability or excitement (related to Extroversion and Open-mindedness)?

3. Understand Your Ideal, Future Self

Use the visualization from Step 1—Envision this ideal Self as a larger, grown version of you.

Avoid focusing on the pain of discrepancy (the pain due to the fact that your current Self is still not your Ideal Self).

Create a vision of how this future, ideal Self behaves, using verbs and adjectives:

For example - Loving, caring, growing, developing.

You might be tempted to envision Fame, Fortune, Pleasure, Power (the false idols)—that's natural.

But imagine you've already achieved these external rewards—then what?

You want to drink endless Mai Tais on the beach? And then what?

If you imagine being happy or satisfied, envision already feeling that—then what would you do? (Use verbs and adjectives)

How does your ideal Self talk to itself? How does it treat its body?

What would make this ideal Self proud? Not achievements, but work/effort.

How does this ideal Self treat partners, siblings, parents, coworkers? (Not how it's treated)

Does this future self hold grudges?

How does this future, ideal Self talk to your current Self?

4. Establish a Routine

The neurotic and unstable aspects of ourselves need structure.

To successfully find this routine you have to have an honest exchange between your current and future Self.

Your future Self will have a comprehensive list of changes to make—start humble and small.

Create a "work contract" between these two perspectives.

Your current Self must feel heard and have its tendencies to procrastinate acknowledged.

Try to achieve a deep agreement to succeed.

Notice when you revert back to old thinking patterns and over-identify with your current Self.

Yes, this perspective is you, but your ideal Self is equally part of you.

Ideally, get up every day at the same time (allow one weekly exception).

Incorporate physical exercise and time for contemplation.

Begin a small, achievable project—it might involve your body (learning a handstand), studying for an exam, or writing an essay.

5. When the Inner Critic Activates

Whenever critical thoughts arise (and they will) —suggesting you're "not enough"—ask yourself: "Who is speaking now?" If the voice isn't constructively nurturing your current self's growth, it's not coming from your higher self.

Seek the voice of your ideal, higher Self.

Identify other voices. Name them: "That's Grumpy talking" or "That's my mother/father/ex-wife speaking." When you notice them, briefly listen, thank them for their input, then reconnect with your guiding "higher Self" voice.

If you struggle to find that voice, consult a therapist/coach until you can internalize it.

Over time, this voice will strengthen while the voices of doubt and criticism gradually weaken.

6. Repeat

When suffering arises, become alert.

Do the work.

If a persistent, loud critic emerges, document its message completely. It repeats itself because parts of your Ego (current Self) agree with it.

Identify these agreements and consult your higher Self.

During periods of suffering, practice this daily for at least 20 minutes.

Note recurring themes and thoughts.

Summary

If you're like me—sensitive to negative emotions in yourself and others—you suffer because of it.

Voices repeatedly tell you you're "not good enough," and you feel compelled to improve.

You want to love yourself while continuing to grow.

This is possible but requires effort.

The path to combining Self-love with Self-improvement:

1. Visualize the relationship between your current and future Self

2. Fully understand and accept your current Self

3. Develop a clear vision of your ideal Self

4. Establish and maintain a routine

5. Find the voice of "your higher Self"

6. Practice consistently and journal your progress

You can improve your relationship with your imperfect current Self.

Though we aren't perfect, we can love and accept ourselves while continuing to grow from a place of deep, caring love.